what_are_you_looking_for?
This site is just a barebone for fun test, maybe ill add some stuff in the future or maybe it will stay like this forever
im a 25yo guy from germany that studies cyber security.
i dont think its fair to say that i study it as im just wasting away in my room most of the time.
i dont think im smart enough to actually study it xd.
im mostly enrolled in it because i didnt know what else i should do and it seemed interesting
(which to some extend it is)
mostly its usefull that i can say im "doing this" when someone asks what im doing
i have some mental problems (as many people my age it feels like),
specifically depression, ADHD and social anxiety
the social anxiety is probably mostly self inflicted as ive isolated myself in front of my pc
for the past 15 years pretty much
i have few irl people that some would call friends but mostly they are just people i hang out with sometimes.
i think calling them friends is wrong since i dont talk to them about the stuff im writing down here rn.
i would say that i have a single friend but i still dont talk a whole lot with that person either.
generally i dont talk very much but enjoy people that do since i like to listen
the only exception to that is when i drink alcohol,
as for many people it makes me kinda forget that i have problems talking to people
even though im chronically online, the online world isnt much different
while i do talk to way more people online i still dont consider any of them true friends.
as if all of that wasnt enough im also very lonely (which also doesnt seem to be rare these days).
i dont think ive ever been truly in love with someone.
while i have been in 2 relationships,
they were mostly situationships for both partys included i guess
and didnt last very long.
with the way i am, i also dont see how i would meet someone, that would fill that.
aside from all of this here is some other stuff about me :3
i really like tattoo's and have 13 myself (although 2 might not be counted,
since they are shitty smileys on my feet i did myself which are not very visible anymore)
i also like anime alot, although really dislike ecci stuff and cringe humor.
some of my favorites are
"darker than black",
"jormungand",
"frieren" (ofc),
"Ancient magus bride",
"Reincarnated as a Smile",
other than anime, youtube and twitch i dont really consume any other media.
i rarely watch tv shows, and if i do its mostly rewatching shows i have watched in the past xdd.
I am a lost soul searching for a path,
to a place where no one finds me.
I don't feel much of anything,
but the times where momentary emotions show,
I am scared that they won't leave me.
in hope of being forgotten by everyone,
I search for this path that cannot be found,
the path that leads to nothingness.
I wander with the stars in a place,
that isn't meant for me.
I hope I will be forgotten,
when eventually time runs out or my emotions stay.